funny twilight
by emminema
Summary: this is twisted and funny . i hope you think its funny . r&r pllz . more chapters cumin soon . brief swearing. pleaseeeee read and review , i've spent hours typing stuff up for it XD
1. Chapter 1

in Twilight

Jacob : my dad told me to tell you that we'll be watching you !

bella : are you and your dad like pedo's or something * slap * * bella slaps jacob*

* when edward comes back over *

edward: oooohhhh , bitchy !!

bella : * clenching fists * do you want a slap aswell!

Edward : * wimpering * n-n-n-no . *crying*

year later when bella is a vampire . * edward , bella , emmett , alice , jasper. wearing same skirt that she was wearing for the second time ever . ( first time vampire)

Bella : * crying *

edward : whats up babe ,why you crying .

bella : something hads just exploded up my FRIGGIN SKIRT !

emmett: ewwww!! ooh was it a bannana !!! i like bannanas . yummy

edward : ewww emmett you dirty git .

Bella:* looking under skirt * i-i-i-ttts a friggin camera !! ewww ! JACOB , WAS SPYING ON ME :( * crying *

edward: that little mutt is gonna die . * spins round a black cape flies onto his back . * ha ha ha ha . i am the REVENGER . MWAHAHAHAHA!

bella: whats wid the cape , and the mwahahahahaha! thing .................

Alice , Rosalie , Bella and renesme!

Alice: bella you betta come and see what you daughter has done to herself.

bella: what she done , made herself look like a litt......... shit !! NESSIE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUSELF !!

alice : new she was gonna be shocked

rosalie : ooh the bitch is swearing in front of her daughter ! she's only painted herself blue !

bella: she painted herself BLUE !! ewww omg . My nails are gonna get chipped . i had them done silver palm . $ 155 dollars . aren't they fab .

rosalie : oohh . get on with it . * taking mic out of bella* aarrh my nails ! i chipped them . Edward take me to the hospital NOW! hahaha

bella: okay , i put cloves on . O . ... M.....G

cleaning blue of nessie * alice , bella

Bella : Alice .......

alice : yeah bella !

bella: ......................the ........blue wont come off ..........................

alice : okay ! i have an idea . we rub ........................ we rub mayo on her . it might help

bella: ookay .

* alice quickly gets the mayonasse*

bella: *singing* rubber dubber dubber , i am using a scrubber and im rubbin all the blue away................ arrrhhhh!!!!

alice : STOP SCREAMING !!

bella: you stupid cow , the mayo has made her more blue !!!!! arrrrrhhhhhh

*emmett walks in *

emmett : * roaring in laughter * hahhahahahahahaha i that that alien from that film wats it called ...........monsters vs aliens hahahaha . * brings his phone out and pictures it .

vampire/werewolf bigbrother

billy black : this is big brother ,please do not bite you are live on blook sucker tv .

edward : I SUCK YA BLOOD !! * looking at bella *

billy : edward

edward : woooooooooohhhh p-p-party !!

billy: bella

bella: * looking tippsy * w-w-wat , s-s-stop s-s-ayin meeeeeeeee name !!

billy: and rosalie ,

rosalie : stupid bitches

billy: the vote have been count and verifid and the 1st person to be evicted is .........................................

bella : fuckin hurri uuuuuuuuuupppppp !

*10 years later *

billy: iiissssssss ...edward

bella : arrrrrhhhhhhh . *cry* edward , your not evicted , you stay right here , your mine .

emmett : don't worry edward , i'll look after Bella for you . * raising eye brows up and down*

rosalie : No , he won't or i'll suck ya blood .

jacob : then i'll ripp you into kibbels for me and sam to eat . mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh rosalie kibbles !! YUMMY .

emmett : jacob , i'll - i'll slicce you into ............................. mmmmmmh Bananas

Twilight christmas song

on the first day of vampire christmas my true love said to me

we doont need to eat our human tea

on the second of vampire chirstmas my true love said to me

we are super cold

and we dont need to eat our human tea

on the third day of vampire christmas my true love said to me

we are super strong

we are super cold

and we dont need to eat our human tea

on the forth day of vampire christmas my true love said to me

bella has a sheild

we are super strong

we are super cold

and we dont eat are human tea

on the fifth day of vampire christmas my true love said to me

eeeddward reeeaads yoooour mind

bella has a shield

we are super strong

we are super cold

and we dont eat are human tea

* jump to the 12th day of x-mas*

on the 12th day of vampire chirstmas my true love said to me

carlisle is a doctor

he is very old

esme is his young looking old wife

emmett likes rosalie

rosalie is a bitch

jasper controls emotions

sleeping really sucks!

eeedddwaaarrrd reaaaads yooouuur miiinnnddddd

bella has a shield

we are super strong

we are super cold

and we don't eat are human tea


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter

enjoy more laughable skits and jokes . Short chapter

Vampire / werewolf big brother day 8

Bella: * howling*

jacob : since when were you a werewolf , bloodsucker

Bella: I miss edward and im not letting emmett look after me , he might ...... you no the routine . I've already had nessie . Can I get duffed up like a vampire with another . You know . Okay . I need to hunt ........... * runs off*

sam and emmett talking *emmett is bitchy

emmett : why are you talking to me sam , you totally cramping my style . Do you no were I put my lipgloss.

Sam: since when did you turn gay .

Emmett : since im not allowed to look after bella. I think she turned really hot since she turned into a vampire . You know .

Rosalie: emmett you little slut . How dare you . *slap **punch*

sam:( **yelling** ) YOU KNOW THAT EDWARD IS WATCHING THIS PROBZZ , MAKIN SURE YOUR NOT BY BELLA !!

emmett : shit * cry*

sam: what you crying about

emmett: well i've just revealed I've turned gay , and well about the bella stuff . Im gonna be stuffed turkey .

Sam: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh , sstttuuuuuffffedddd ttttuuuurrrrkkkey!

Bella , alice,emmett and blue coloured renesme go shopping .renesme gets better ideas .

Emmett: omg !!!! * screaming * the latest season gucci . Omg !!! ( scraming still ) its soooooo cute . And only $40,000 dollars . Its dead cheap !

Bella : Alice since when did emmett like gucci , I thought he liked prada .

Alice : you know what hes like , he cross dresses and likes prada 1 second and gucci the next . I think he looks totally cute in prada though , you no those pink knee high boots he's got , they totally look cute on him .

Bella: nessie , go look at the pretty $20,000 dollar bags and pick one you like hunni .

Nessie: mom , I don't want a $20,000 dolloar bag , I want a $40,000 dollar bag .

*hissy fit in shop *

emmett: Alice , Bella im just going over to that shop , it has some cute outfits .

Alice: .................emmett, thats not a costume shop , thats a underwear shop , I dont think you should go in there , you no .

Emmett: awwwwww , why ,they had some dead sexy ones .

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3 of the twisted tales

Chapter 3

Renesmes diffcult and harsh questions aged 4

renesme : mom

bella: yes nessie

renesme: were did I come from

bella : ooooh......................... you ........................fell from the sky in a basket ...

renesme : did I really , because all my school friends are saying all this weird talk.

Bella: don't repeat any of that to your father !.

Nessie : emmett , what does gay mean?

Emmett : what you ...............* stammer * ..................weird .

Nessie: hahaha , your gay , you were pink high heals . Haha.

Emmett ; leave me alone you bully . BELLA , YOUR DAUGHTER IS BULLYING ME * cry*

nessie: stop calling uncle emmett Gay , he may act like that , but you know , thats the way certain people want to act like , and hes not gay . Hes funny

Nessie : in this emminem video , why does micheal jacksons nose fall off , is he gay !

Bella: nessie stop thinking everyone is gay because they dress in girls stuff and there plastic noses fall off .

Vampire / werewolf big brother day 10

billy black : this is big brother , will bella come to the diary room .

Bella : what does bb want me for now .

Emmett : dont ask me bella .

Billy: Bella how are you feeling .

Bella: I fucking hate this house. You evicted my husband , and I dont no weather emmett might make a move , also im frightened jacob might try and kiss me again .

Billy: bella , what do you mean by again .

Bella: well in eclipse , I was at La push and well he kissed me and I got dead angry and broke my knuckle . * quiet crying*

billy: you may now leave the diary room .

Bella : fucking hell , kill me please .

Jasper : my pleasure

Alice : jasper ! Not again remember what happened in New Moon .

Jasper: I – i-i – cant help it shes like a drug to me ! Mmmmmmmmmmmmhh! Drugs .

goes over to Bella and peels some skin off bella , grates it with a cheese grater and starts sniffing it . *

Alice : shit he's high , I thought Edward was the only one that gets high off bella .

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4 totally spiffing

Chapter 4 –part one- james reappears * cullens go dead posh

Edward : how spiffing , I love la cross

jasper : oooh , you don't say ! Totally spiffing.

Emmett: What are you golliwoggs jibjabbering on about then . * sticking nose up *

jasper : talking about how spiffing La Cross is .

Edward: what is La Cross though ?

Emmett: you started a conversation about La Cross , and – and you don't know what it is ? Totally jammy dodger .

Jasper : ooh lardi dah

Alice: do you like my dress Jasper , I wore It specially for you .

Jasper: oh mighty fine . Its – very ...............you!.

Alice: Bella , come on in you dress is totally magic

Bella: No I'm very concious about how I look

edward: come out Bella , im sure you'll look totally spiffing

Bella walks out *

James : you brought the same snack again , how tasty!

Bella:James! Were did you come from , your meant to be dead , alice dislocated you head haha!

James : well I clearly didn't die , but Alice dislocated my head , the stupid girl .

Victoria : James that snack is no snack for you , I want to use her as a meat topping on my blood filled burger . Mmmmh blood burger

Alice: were did you come from Victoria

Victoria : I don't know , I just decided to drop in and get my toppings .

Bella: watch , Laurent and some other dead vampires will drop in next .

Laurent : hiii

Bella: see , I see the future !! yay !!

Laurent : totally spiffing dress Bella .

Bella: why thank you Laurent

Laurent: Do you want to go to le diner ! As they would say in France.

Bella: well , I don't think thats a totally spiffing idea . I mean , you probably don't know but I got married to Edward in a great wedding , my wedding dress muddy though.


	5. Chapter 5 magic wand BB house day 12

The magic weird spell – chapter 5

Bella: oooooooooooohh!! look a magic wand ! Wow ! Its so-so-so magical

Edward:your my wife but you have the brains of rocking horse shit you know sometimes .

Bella: shut up * elbow his ribs .

Alice : Bella did you find a wand . WOW! Lets do some protend magic ! Yay

Bella: okay :D piggy wiggy Edward !

**Poof***

Bella: opps

Edward: Bella! You stupid dog , you turned me into a pig . Now your going to have to shovel my crap out of our room , esme will start noticing a funny crap smelling smell in the air .

Emmett: cool , Edward is a pig .

Alice : give me that wand * snatch* okay!!.......... winni winni winni the pooh Emmett

Emmett : **scream**

Bella: Alice noooo. Stop it . I didn't mean to turn edward into a pig and then you deliberately turn emmett into winnie the pooh . We better run . Hahaha * began running.

Alice : Honey , honey Bella honey honey Bella . * poof *

Bella : arrrrrrrrrrrrh you just going to let Emmett eat me now . You stupid twat . Why did you turn me into a massive , refillable honey pot . I'll get you for this .

Alice: not while I have the wand * cheeky smile on her face *

big brother day 12 Vampire/werewolf

Billy: would Emmett come to the diary room

walks over to the diary room *

emmett: hiyah big bro , how is me homie doing

Billy:hello Emmett , who is your first vote to put up for eviction .

Emmett : well ............. probz Alice , she is telling everyone who is getting evicted , and it is really pissing me off . Its totally unfair.

Billy: and you second vote please

Emmett: Sam , because he takes the mick out of me , its like totally unfair * cry *

Billy: okay . Emmett you may leave the diary room.

Billy: Sam , will you next come to the diary room.

Sam: hold up , im aving pee

walks over the diary room *

Sam: iyt there bb.

Billy: hello sam , who is your first vote to be up for eviction on friday

sam: I want Emmett to be evicted . All he talks about is his banana and all that he is totally weird .

Billy : and your second vote

Sam: Bella , I don't want to vote her off , its just that all she does I mop . She looks like she wanted to committee suicide , she sits there in the corner , not getting pissed , which is a change , rocking backwards and forwards . Its rather freaky .

Billy: thank you for sharing you concern on Bella' s mind . You may leave the diary room .

To be continued – on the 2nd eviction night


	6. Chapter 6 big brother double eviction

Chapter 6 – the eviction - big brother werewolf-vampire house

billy: This is big brother please don't bite . You are live on blood sucker tv.

House: wooooooohhhh

Bella: time for me to get hammered again , p-p-p-party !

Billy: We forgot to ask the whole house who they wanted to evict , so you are all up for eviction , and two people are going

Emmett: YAY , banana , i'll see you soon baby.

Billy: The votes are in , they have been counted and verified and the 2nd person evicted is ............................

bella: shit! Not again !!! * angry *

Alice: hurry up billy , you stupid quiliete wolf .

2 million years in the future *

billy: isssssssssssssssssss................................

bella: I fell dead

billy:iiissss ................Bella !

Bella: yay yay . Emmett you can't touch me now !!! yay eddie-kins miss ya loadz . * begins to get hammered *

Billy : you will leave the house in 30 minutes .

30 minutes later!

Billy : This is big brother , Bella , im coming to get you

Bella : * pissed * w-w-w-h-h-a—tt-t-t , shit. * tipsy *

producer : Bella , you have been evicted please leave the big brother house , Bella you have been evicted please leave the big brother house .

Bella: * walking up the steps , falling over *

Billy: oh my gosh ! She's pissed . How provided the alcohol .

Bella: * walking down the steps , with paperazzi taking pictures of her drunken self .*

smack

billy: oh my gosh ! Another drunken casualty call the hospital * bella had fell down the steps *

Edward : its okay billy , i'll fly her to the hospital , and kill her there , the stupid cow , Vampires can't get drunk.

Bella: e-e-edwar-d-d-d h-i-i-i-i-i-i

Edward: shut up

3rd eviction

Billy – welcome back to the show after that drunken show up from bella swann or is it cullen , I don't know .

Billy- big brother house this is billy , the 3rd person to be evicted is ..............................

Alice : FUCKING HELL

billy: issssssssssssssssssssssssssss............................ * 2 million years in the future*

Emmett: are we nearly there yet ?

Billy: isssss ................................... Jared

Alice: were did Jared come from . He's not in the big brother house? * confused*

Jared: yay , im evicted – im not even a contestant in the big brother house . * also confused *

Billy: I'll just Evict someone else then . The 4th person to get evicted isss.......

Emmett: Billy don't take forever , or i'll SUCK YOUR BLOOD !

Billy: iissssssssssssssss................... Alice

Alice : oh my gosh . Why do I have to be evicted . Its soooo unfair . * hissy fit*

Billy: Alice you have 30 seconds to say you good byes im coming to get you .

Alice: Jasper , miss you * crying *

Big brother . 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 Alice you have been evicted , please leave the big brother house . Alice you have been evicted please leave the big brother house .

Alice : * waiting for the doors to open so she can paperazzi * oh my goody gosh .

**scream * *** posing for the paperazzi *

Alice : love you crowd .

Eviction talk

Billy : so Alice did you Enjoy you time in the big brother house .

Alice : well................... I guess the first week was great . I think that food challenge was really funny . You know were we all dressed up as different celebrities . Edward looked so funny in his light blue lady gaga swimming costume looking thing , and that bleach blond wig , but I felt really sorry for Bella , in the second week . How dare you make my friend insane . Billy I suck your blood !!! * about to bite billy *

To be continued !!


	7. Chapter 7

The best ways to annoy the cast of twilight - chapter 7

make Alice wear the same clothes for a month

make her buy the clothes from the charity shop.

Steal Charlie's police raiding wear and give it to Renessmee.

Not discussing to Renee about being safe , because of a boy (Edward)

change Emmett's cellphone ring tone to the song Banana phone

Tell Edward that Jacob murdered Bella.

Paint Edwards car in Bright pink paint and make the interior of the car look bright pink as well.

Tell him that Edward is his own father

Edward kissing James .

Bella running round school say that Edward is a virgin.

Fill Edwards Ipod full of lady gaga songs .

Fill Alice's wardrobe with bin bags , instead of her designer clothes

if Edward tries touching you know scream pedo or pervert in a crowded place , with police men .

If Edward runs out of glitter , bought from pound land .

Make Emmett pull his pants down , Walk through a crowded street , and sing the teletubbie theme tune.

Lock Rosalie in a nursery full of 3 year old's .

Edward not being a sick mesicistic lion.

Bella not being a stupid lamb

Mike not being a pedo

Bella introduces Edward to her new best friend Buffy the vampire slayer.

The Cullen family trying to cross the invisible line which divided the line between the vampires and the wolves.

Emmett missing his Banana

Alice's bank cards getting chopped up.

Getting made to sleep.

Going to the supermarket

stealing Edward's cellphone and putting the ring tone as balamory.

Bella looking forward to death , ' death is easy , but life is much harder'

Edward cheating on Bella , with Jessica Stanley .

Smashing up Alice's yellow porsche

Carlisle getting sacked by the hospital because all of the blood bags have disappeared

Jacob not saving Bella

Jacob not being able to spy on Bella any more

Tyler not being able to say sorry to Bella , after he nearly kills her.

Telling the producers to fuck off.

Rosalie finds out that Esme is pregnant with Emmett's child.

Alice getting so confused , she can't read minds any more

Jasper robs the man , with the van full of blood from the company called ' give blood America'

making Edward dress up in a light blue swimming type costume and a bleach blonde wig that lady gaga uses in her video called 'poker face'

Get Jasper a dog chew toy in the shape of Bella .

Mike finds out that Jessica Stanley is pregnant , when mike and her are married . The child is Edwards.

Emmett losing against Bella in an arm wrestle.

Alice , getting pissed and going wild with a electronic shaver , and shaving all her hair off . ( hair will never grow back )

Carlisle dancing to high school musical – tap recorded it

Emmett in a mini skirt

fill Edwards room full of pictures of Jacob , half naked

Edward weirdly fascinated by Jacob.

Bella losing her virginity to Jacob.

Forcing Jasper to watch my bloody valentine.

Bella and Alice redecorate Emmett's Jeep.

Victoria harassing Bella.

Edward accidentally shaving his eyebrows off.

Eating worms , because they can't find any big animals to suck the blood out of

Bella is jealous because Jane is more Beautiful that she is.

Edward is hypnotised by Jane

Rosalie getting murdered by the human husband

Bella and Alice winding Emmett up because he likes buying Gucci and Prada .

Renessmee farting on Rosalie.

Edward becomes Jealous because mike is trying to charm Bella.

The best way to make the cast of twilight happy

Edward , drunkenly proposing to Bella.

Jacob marries Bella.

Alice has the whole house as a massive cupboard for clothes.

Rosalie having a child called Daisilie.

Jasper eating Bella.

Emmett having bigger muscles

Bella as a vampire.

Edward going ' SPARKLE , SPARKLE'

Renessmee starring on the film Monsters Vs Aliens

mike charming Bella

Alice only wearing a piece of clothing once .

The Cullen's having too much money

Esme redesigning the house

Charlie eating steak ( the greedy pig )

Carlisle enjoying his pink doctors coat with ' Edward is fit ' embroidered in the back in a dark thin pink thread.


	8. Chapter 8eyebrows & redesigned jeep

Chapter 8 – The jeep

Bella: Edward , what a beautiful day it is .

Edward: you don't say

Emmett: Oh my gosh! ALLLLLLIIIIIICCCE !! BELLLLLLLAAAA!

Alice and Bella: ooppps

Edward: what have you two done now .

Alice: we ...........we ............we kind of ......... redesigned ............ Emmett's Jeep .

Edward: you did what!

Emmett: * high pitched scream * oh my gosh look how cute this looks .

Edward: what!

Emmett: it's my favorite shade of pink * scream * Alice did you use one of you old Gucci bags as part of the interior

Alice : oh my gosh ! How did you guess . Was it the smell . The smell is totally gorgeous.

Emmett: I know right. Did Bella help you design it.

Bella: yeah I did . So did little nessie . You'll see her hand print that she put in , using hand paints .

Edward: well duh . She wasn't going to use her crap was she.

Emmett: oh my god! Oh how cute . Were's my little niece .

Nessie: im not little im 6 years old

Emmett: okay , you little but you are very .......................mature , if thats the way I can put it.

Nessie: mom says im very smart , she said I could read at 2 months , and im already in 5th grade because im that smart.

Emmett: ookkkkaaaaayy! I gotta take a ride in this are you all coming.

Edward: do you really expect me to drive around in that , do you .

Bella: come on honey, take a ride , its not like any body is going to see your fantastic , stunning , sexy , manly , gorgeous , beauti.......

Edward: I get the jist Bella , don't need to describe ....... actually carry on , I love you tone of voice when you talk about how sexy you think I am.

Nessie: Alice , what are they talking about.

Alice: you don't want to know honey .

Nessie: yes I do

the eye brows

Edward: my eyebrows need shaving , or plucked or something.

Bella: honey your eyebrows look ..ermm.............well...................fine.

Edward : stop stammering , are you saying I have a bush growing on my face . Ewwww I have a bush growing on my face .

Edward:* pulls shaver out * just ........let.....me...........con..centra.....te plllease bell..........* -nessie knocks into Edward-

Nessie: oppps hahaha daddy's only got one eyebrow.

Edward:ARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My beautiful,beautiful eyebrows .

Bella: hahahahahahahahahahaha * Alice , Jasper and Emmett walk in *

Emmett,Alice and jasper : hahaha

Emmett: Edward he's only got one brow , the other shaved off by a cow ....

Bella:ooiii I didn't shave it off , nessie pushed into me.

Emmett: come here nessie , high 5 !!

Edward : ooiii stop it , Nessie you grounded , go ...............go tidy your room.

Nessie: mommy tidied my room before.


	9. Chapter 9bloodbadclothesalicesclothe

Carlisle and the hospital mini sketches – chapter 9

doctor Truman: Carlisle , were have all the blood bags gone

Carlisle : oh ..............Erm .................... jasper , .................Erm like , blood

DT: well we can see that

jasper: * sucking blood out of bags * mmmmmmh , is this Bella's blood , taste's very Bellary .

Carlisle : doctor Bettysquaters do you like Doctors coat .

Doc. Bettysquaters: yes , its .........very ............ feminine though. Florescent pink your colour , today , its usually more Gay looking colours

Carlisle : I am not Gay , I took the colour from Emmett's car .

Doc. Bettysquaters: but on the back it says Edward is fit?

Carlisle: He is totally fit . I wish I has his body . His 22 pack on his stomach is totally sexy .

Doc. Bettysquaters: you can't ............get a 22 pack

Carlisle : arrh yes , but haven't I told you , im a Vampire

Doc. Bettysquaters: oh my fucking gosh !!!!!!!! Your a vampire . Watch a werewolf will walk though the door next!

Jacob: hey Doc ! How ya doing ,

Doc. Bettysquaters: fuck off Jacob , I can't give you any more steroids for Billy!

Jacob : don't tell me to fuck off * morphes into a were wolf

Doc. Bettysquaters: * fainting *

Carlisle : oh Jacob , look what you have made doctor Bettysquaters do ................................... Jasper do you want to have a tea party !

Jasper : yay! A doctor Bettysquater tea party ! * draining blood out of Doctor Bettysquaters and drinking it out of a plastic tea party cup from pound-land.

The fascinated Edward ( not with Bella )

Alice : hehehe Edward is going to be totally pissed off with us two .

Bella : I know but I love winding him up its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Alice : okay Bella , I thing we get the jist.

Alice & Bella: * hiding in cupboard , Edward coming into the room .

Edward : what the fuck , who has put these pictures up.

Alice : hehehe

Edward : oh my gosh ! He looks cute . Jacob black has muscles , and with oh my gosh , im having a spastic colon

Bella: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!! * comes out of the cupboard and slaps Edward * you dirty bitch ! We were trying to piss you off , not make you weirdly fascinated by my best friend .

Edward: eeeewww , why have you been in my closet . Theres like 6 weeks of unwashed clothes in there!  
Alice and Bella : * glare at each other * EEEEEEWWWWWWW!

Bella : I need a shower , NOW!

Emmett's New item of clothing . Item number – 2342

( in shopping centre with Bella , Alice and Renessmee )

Emmett : oh my gosh * high pitch scream* this denim skirt is totally in fashion , Bella tell Alice im just going to try on this skirt.

Bella : Emmett don't try it on.................. * walks over to Alice * Emmett's trying on a size 6 ................denim .................. mini...............skirt !  
Alice: WHAT!

Bella: I know ! Nightmare !

Emmett : * walks out of changing room * I think its too small ? * big thing hanging out of bottom ** you get the idea *

Alice , Bella and Renessmee: *mouths wide open *

Nessie : mommy , whats that Bag hanging down below Emmett's , very small mini skirt !

Bella : you don't need to know honey .

Alice's wardrobe nightmares !

Alice : * scream * who's got my clothes !!!!!!!!! and my CREDIT CARDS !!!!

Carlisle * walks through door * we seen you bills so we chopped up your cards and took all your clothes .

Alice : how am I going to get new clothes then .

Carlisle : we'll give you $100 dollars , but you have to buy you clothes from the charity shop .

Alice : EWW , hell no , I would rather wear bin BAGS !

Edward: * walks in * I read your mind and knew you were going to say that so I brought some big potato sacks and bin bags up for you .

Alice : * scream!!!*

( walks into school next day )

Alice: * modelling a Potato sack *


	10. Chapter 10 random funny song sang to edy

Lol – here is some random stuff I just put together . XD

_Bella wearing a cheer leading costume , singing to Edward . _

Oh Edward your so fine 

your so fine 

you can't read my mine 

hey Edward !

Hey Edward !

Before Edward meets Bella .

Emmett: hey Edward come here , I wanna sing a song to you .

Edward : okay?!

Emmett singing

Edward

why are you at a gay bar

why are you at a gay bar

why are you at a gay bar , gay bar , gay bar

lets start a war

lets start a vampire war

In the middle of a gay bar , gay bar , gay bar .

Now tell me do you

but do you have any money ?

You wanna spend time with Mike

at the gay bar , gay bar , gay bar

Emmett : hahaha


End file.
